April has been a doozy, pretty much.
I completed my first month at Suddenlink, have been striving to keep our home life in order amidst all the change, and just last week we found out that circumstances beyond our control are forcing us to move out of our apartment in just two weeks time (we thought we had until the end of July). It’s been a whirlwind, let me tell ya. The end result will be great, and we are okay with moving much earlier than we anticipated (we don’t really have a choice). It was jarring at first, but we are excited to move into a real apartment (read: no college kids) and spread our wings a bit wider. Plus, we bought an amazing couch last weekend that I can’t wait to show you. (Don Draper would approve.)
When the going gets tough, I am so thankful that I have Shelton in my life. We are a great team, and with him it’s never hard to see the silver lining to any cloud. All that being said though, I am not ashamed to admit to you that I’m having trouble balancing work, home–and me.
I keep telling myself that it’s okay to still be in transition, but each day I apply more and more pressure on myself.
I wake up in the morning with such good intentions.
Today I’ll take care of myself.
This simple phrase translates to a few different things. Like…
Today I will exercise, even if just a little bit.
Today I will do something creative, even if I don’t finish what I start.
Today I’ll finish a chapter in a book I’m reading.
Today I’ll drink more water than soda, eat more fruit than Goldfish.
But it all boils down to the same desire: that internal pull I feel to focus on myself, when 99% of my days require the exact opposite.
I read half an article about grit this morning, and the definition really stuck with me:
Grit is defined as: “perseverance and passion for long-term goals.”
To land a job like the one I’ve got was a huge goal of mine. I achieved it. Each day, I walk into work and feel so proud that I’m the one they chose. That I get to be a problem solver, a helping hand, an instrument for change.
But, getting a great job wasn’t the only goal I had, you know that.
What about my goal for leading a healthy life?
And my goal to create more than I hustle?
Do you think it’s okay for goals to evolve?
Recently I wrote about how I can’t do it all. And truthfully I understand that. It’s hard to accept, but I do understand. “Doing it all” isn’t feasible. But when I lay my head down at night, I feel that feeling like I’m lacking somewhere, and each day I wake up with hope that this will be the day I get closer to understanding the new balance to my life. I’d be lying to you though if I told you I didn’t feel disappointed just about every evening though, that another day has slipped through my fingers. #libraproblems
I don’t know what else to say, really. Making excuses seems weak, and I know I don’t have to justify my exhaustion or my day-to-day problems. That being said, I find myself wishing I knew the answer, though I know that it will only come with time. Some days you just have to believe that you are doing all you can, even when the inner critic tells you otherwise.
And so, without further adieu, here is a confession from a true perfectionist:
Hi, my name is Sarah. I am a recovering perfectionist, living one day at a time. I am forever-inspired by the idea of tomorrow and the chance for something new. I don’t know how I’m going to get through these struggles I am experiencing – I only know that somehow I will and I will be better for it. When I can make time for myself, I will. When I can’t, I will still praise myself for the hard work I know I am doing, and give myself a break every single opportunity I get. I will not compare my life and my to-do list to someone else’s. I can only control how I feel and how I react – no matter the situation. No one will ever judge me as harshly as I judge myself. No one expects me to be as perfect as I feel the need to be. It really is that simple.
Who knows how tomorrow will go. I hope I can make time for myself to do some of the things that bring me joy, and if not, it will be okay. I am juggling a lot, and the longer I wait to give myself a break, the worse my stress will be. I believe the two are directly related, and always will be.
Today I’ll write a blog and share my feelings, even if they’re not pretty or fully understood.
As my life evolves, so do my goals. Holding onto something old when there is so much new around me is backwards. I must forge onward, keep my eyes and heart open, and see what I find.
Who is with me?
P.S. Art by Made by Nicole – check out her blog if you get the chance!