That’s totally where I am these days.

I’m big on awakenings – many I have shared here with you – and though I am so fortunate for my moments of clarity, lately I am reminded of just how fleeting those awakenings can be. We learn things, we forget, we revert, we learn again. Life is a cycle. And as I am circling back through some emotions I haven’t felt in a while, I am reminding myself that it’s okay to struggle.

It’s okay to still be wrestling with thoughts, feelings and compulsions that (most of the time) are out of my control. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to loosen my white-knuckle grip I am so good at and *attempt* to relax. It’s okay to second guess things I’ve thought about myself for my whole life. It’s okay to admit that sometimes, I’m just not as emotionally stable as I think I should be.

I had a breakdown last week. It was eye-opening and a bit core-shaking in a way. I haven’t felt the same since, and in a weird way, things feel different. Different in a good way, because I feel like I am truly starting a new chapter in my life. The breakdown was largely stress induced.

New Job + Moving + Creative Restlessness + Realization of New Goals = Exhaustion

Put quite simply, I feel as if I have truly reached a new level in this life. I am 25. I have a good job. I have a great relationship. We are building a life together. There is money in our savings account. I care about new things. My priorities have shifted. And my life is completely here in North Carolina – not in Texas. All of these amazing things Shelton and I share on a daily basis, but I don’t get to share them with my Texas Tribe. It’s safe to say I’ve been living on Texas Time up until I started working at Suddenlink. When I worked at home,  it was so easy to focus on Texas and everyone I love there because 1) I had more time and 2) I didn’t show up to North Carolina and instantly attain new BFFs.

But that’s changing now. Through work I’ve met so many amazing people – people that invite me over to craft and drink tea (Nikki, I love you), people that invite us to parties, people that invites us out on sushi dates… We’re making connections here and settling here, and I don’t think I had accepted that until just recently. On one hand, it is so great to know that if I told Shelton tonight that I wanted to move back to Texas, he’d be on board 100%. But, I feel it in my bones – it’s not time. There’s too much left to do, I whisper to myself. Secrets left to figure out.

I want to look back on The North Carolina Years and feel so much joy that I get choked up. It’s like Andy said last week on The Office Series Finale: “I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.”

Whoa. If a quote could stab me in the heart (in a good way) that’s the one that would do it.

And here’s the thing: I am in the good old days. For the rest of my life, I’ll cherish these years, this place, the choice I made last August to come here. Why not make the absolute most of it? So, I have decided to collectively take a step back from a few things.

1. This blog, and blogging in general. I already have a full-time job, and it’s not running this site. I need to break out of the mindset of thinking in blog posts, positioning my life around DIY projects, and endless hours in front of this screen.

2. Crafting and creating. This is a touchy subject for me, because since I was a little girl I have always fallen back on my creativity. But I need to learn the difference between hobbies that bring me pure joy from the ones that suck the life out of me. And that means not distracting myself with project after project. I need to focus on me. Also, I need to be okay with not working on anything “extracurricular” before I dive into any new activity. I need to wipe my mental slate clean.

3. Thinking too much about my Texas connections. I can miss them, I can shoot them a text to let them know they’re on my mind, but then I need to go back to my North Carolina life. Just as I am on my own path, they are on theirs. And I am so happy for all my loved ones that my heart could burst, but feeling melancholic about playing phone tag does me no good at all.

Letting go can be so hard, but once I am able to, I always feel rejuvenated in a way.

So, prepare for some sporadic + awesome posts in the future. I’m on no one’s timeline but my own, and goodness gracious, that’s an incredible feeling.

Rave on,

Sarah

Below are some snapshots from our moving experience. Expect to see much more pictures as we get our new apartment set up–Shelton and I are having so much fun picking out furniture and defining our style in new ways. It’s a process that is never “done,” but a fun one at that!

Monogram Letter found @ TJMaxx for $6.99 | My Sauce Boss | Shelton’s Scratch Biscuits

Furniture Shopping Tip #1:

Always, always, always negotiate. I thought this sectional was WAY too much until we were able to talk them down 65% off the retail price. Also, everything in the store was half-off that day–shop savvy, y’all! We are in love with this sectional… These days, if something looks like it belongs on the set of Mad Men, I feel like I must have it. Mid-century modern all the way!

Furniture Shopping Tip #2:

If you can purchase something already put together, do it. We saw the same exact bar stools at Target (for the same price) except they came in boxes.

Furniture Shopping Tip #3:

Always check the back room! Most big furniture stores will have a back room that houses discounted floor models and lightly damaged pieces. Case in point: our new dresser. Again, I loved the sleekness of it and knew it’d be perfect for our bedroom. There was a small dent on the top, but it’s barely visible!

First Night in the New Apartment | Shelton picked out my key | Welcome Home!

Furniture Shopping/General Moving Tip #4:

Take as many breaks as necessary.

~

And that’s our little moving update! Stay tuned. Things are about to get real domestic up in here.

Rave on,

Sarah

April has been a doozy, pretty much.

I completed my first month at Suddenlink, have been striving to keep our home life in order amidst all the change, and just last week we found out that circumstances beyond our control are forcing us to move out of our apartment in just two weeks time (we thought we had until the end of July). It’s been a whirlwind, let me tell ya. The end result will be great, and we are okay with moving much earlier than we anticipated (we don’t really have a choice). It was jarring at first, but we are excited to move into a real apartment (read: no college kids) and spread our wings a bit wider. Plus, we bought an amazing couch last weekend that I can’t wait to show you. (Don Draper would approve.)

When the going gets tough, I am so thankful that I have Shelton in my life. We are a great team, and with him it’s never hard to see the silver lining to any cloud. All that being said though, I am not ashamed to admit to you that I’m having trouble balancing work, home–and me.

I keep telling myself that it’s okay to still be in transition, but each day I apply more and more pressure on myself.

I wake up in the morning with such good intentions.

Today I’ll take care of myself.

This simple phrase translates to a few different things. Like…

Today I will exercise, even if just a little bit.

Today I will do something creative, even if I don’t finish what I start.

Today I’ll finish a chapter in a book I’m reading.

Today I’ll drink more water than soda, eat more fruit than Goldfish.

But it all boils down to the same desire: that internal pull I feel to focus on myself, when 99% of my days require the exact opposite.

I read half an article about grit this morning, and the definition really stuck with me:

Grit is defined as: “perseverance and passion for long-term goals.”

To land a job like the one I’ve got was a huge goal of mine. I achieved it. Each day, I walk into work and feel so proud that I’m the one they chose. That I get to be a problem solver, a helping hand, an instrument for change.

But, getting a great job wasn’t the only goal I had, you know that.

What about my goal for leading a healthy life?

And my goal to create more than I hustle?

Do you think it’s okay for goals to evolve?

Recently I wrote about how I can’t do it all. And truthfully I understand that. It’s hard to accept, but I do understand. “Doing it all” isn’t feasible. But when I lay my head down at night, I feel that feeling like I’m lacking somewhere, and each day I wake up with hope that this will be the day I get closer to understanding the new balance to my life. I’d be lying to you though if I told you I didn’t feel disappointed just about every evening though, that another day has slipped through my fingers. #libraproblems

I don’t know what else to say, really. Making excuses seems weak, and I know I don’t have to justify my exhaustion or my day-to-day problems. That being said, I find myself wishing I knew the answer, though I know that it will only come with time. Some days you just have to believe that you are doing all you can, even when the inner critic tells you otherwise.

And so, without further adieu, here is a confession from a true perfectionist:

Hi, my name is Sarah. I am a recovering perfectionist, living one day at a time. I am forever-inspired by the idea of tomorrow and the chance for something new. I don’t know how I’m going to get through these struggles I am experiencing – I only know that somehow I will and I will be better for it. When I can make time for myself, I will. When I can’t, I will still praise myself for the hard work I know I am doing, and give myself a break every single opportunity I get. I will not compare my life and my to-do list to someone else’s. I can only control how I feel and how I react – no matter the situation. No one will ever judge me as harshly as I judge myself. No one expects me to be as perfect as I feel the need to be. It really is that simple.

*deep breath*

Who knows how tomorrow will go. I hope I can make time for myself to do some of the things that bring me joy, and if not, it will be okay. I am juggling a lot, and the longer I wait to give myself a break, the worse my stress will be. I believe the two are directly related, and always will be.

Today I’ll write a blog and share my feelings, even if they’re not pretty or fully understood.

Check.

As my life evolves, so do my goals. Holding onto something old when there is so much new around me is backwards. I must forge onward, keep my eyes and heart open, and see what I find.

Who is with me?

Rave on,

Sarah

P.S. Art by Made by Nicole – check out her blog if you get the chance!

I’ve written about Susannah a couple times before–check out these posts:

Live & Love This Moment / A Letter From My 28-year-old Self

I encourage you to learn more about Susannah and her work–maybe even sign up for one of her classes! She’s using her gifts in the most lovely way, and I look up to her a lot. Here are my ten take-aways, my ten favorite thoughts from This I Know.

— ONE —

Sometimes it seems easier to go through life holding everything in, wrapped up, breath held, eyes forward, but life will always rub against us—that’s how the pearls are formed.

— TWO —

When I sink too far into my head, nature reminds me I’m just worm food, that the leaves will fall no matter what I do, and the tides will never stop churning the ocean; it has always been so.

— THREE —

It has taken time to accept that this damaged little girl is still a part of me, the vulnerable, expectant, sometimes demanding part of myself…. For a long time I thought I had to forgive my father for leaving us, but I discovered I only needed to learn to love the girl he left behind, something I resisted.

— FOUR —

My vulnerability is my strength, just as my apparent strength can sometimes be my vulnerability. It’s our responsibility as adults to look after children, and I believe this also applies to the children inside us.

— FIVE —

No wonder it’s so hard to get paint on canvas or words on the page when we’re judging the work before it even exists.

— SIX —

There are times in our lives when being a tribe of one is a necessity rather than a choice, when family live far away and friends are yet to be found.

— SEVEN —

They say we must eat sensibly, exercise regularly, and take time to de-stress—I’d like to add fall in love with ourselves to that list.

— EIGHT —

Little sisters are annoying until you’re all grown up and realize she’s been your best friend all along.

— NINE —

Cultivate the friendships that make you feel more like yourself, without apology or explanation.

— TEN —

I believe that by being the best and most healed version of ourselves we can truly make a difference in the world. I’m not an activist or politician, and I’m not able to have any direct impact on the areas of the world where help is needed. but what I can do is make a difference in the small pocket of the world I call home. I can live with integrity and be honest about my feelings, even when they hurt. I can put my whole heart into my work and pay forward the generosity that was shown to me when my world fell apart. I can look after myself, knowing that by healing my own hurts I won’t be passing them along to someone else. In a society like ours, filled with so many emotionally wounded people acting out their pain, this is possibly the most important work we could ever do—heal our hurts so we don’t pass them on.

Rave on,

Sarah

(Photo credits: Alicia Bock & Susannah Conway via susannahconway.com)

If you made me choose my favorite kind of food, I would definitely say Italian. Because it combines all my favorite food groups:

Cheese.

Carbs.

Wine.

Last week we threw together an easy Hamburger Helper dinner (Italian shells and cheese), and to make it a little bit more fancy, Shelton made his dad’s garlic bread. It had a very interesting twist on it, and was so simple that I just had to share.

Need some Italian inspiration? Look no further.

Calzones with Italian Sausage / Chicken Parm & Legit Marinara / Homemade Chicken Alfredo

The next time you’re whipping up some quick Italian and kick yourself because you didn’t buy a box of Cheesy Garlic Texas Toast when you were at the grocery store last, take a breath. Relax. I’m willing to bet you have everything you need to make your own Cheesy Garlic Roll Ups.

Preheat oven to 300-350 degrees. Mix a few tablespoons of unsalted butter (softened) with minced garlic, salt, and Italian seasonings to taste.

Spread onto four pieces of sandwich bread.

Apply a layer of the good stuff. Mozzarella, preferably, but any cheese will do.

Roll it up.

Snug as a bug in a rug.

Using either a toothpick or piece of dry spaghetti, puncture the roll on both ends.

Melt any leftover butter and brush it on all sides of the rolls.

Cook for about 8-10 minutes (keep an eye on ‘em), and then cover with more good stuff.

Let top layer of cheese melt for a minute or so, and then divide evenly and STUFF YOUR FACE.

 Ciao,

Sarah

<< Keep scrolling if you want to forego the life update and look at pictures from our trip to Raven Rock. >>

Let me tell you — so many things have fallen by the wayside. Like, the cleanliness of our apartment, for one. (Turns out I’d rather have a messy apartment and interact with people all day than the other way around.) Transitioning from working from home to working full-time in a crazy-busy office where I am challenged every single minute of the day has been tough, but in a good way. I love that I’m so engaged at work — that I’m fortunate enough to have such a good job with such good people. But, I also feel the need to get back on track health-wise. I was feeling pretty shitty about this. You know how I get. I have definitely felt like somehow I need to “do it all.” Roll out of bed like a Disney Princess. Work out. Eat a fresh breakfast. Pack a wholesome lunch. Be at work early. Kill it, all day. Eat said wholesome lunch. Work late. Come home and prepare a wholesome dinner. Spend quality time with Shelton. Create something. Go to bed early. Wake up, repeat.

I think we all have a “best version” of our life check list of sorts. I think we should all probably take them with a grain of salt, because each day is different and provides its’ own set of challenges. And we should really just give ourselves more credit.

I can’t do everything, and that’s okay. Wow. Just typing that made me feel worlds better. Say hello to my new mantra.

It will all work out though. Seasons of change, like this one that I am experiencing, reminds me that all I need to do is make a new plan. It’s that simple. My home life is so great. Now my work life is just as great. And I will find ways to balance out the other areas.

Do you have any tips? I’d love to hear them.

Oh, and today we went to Raven Rock State Park and had an awesome adventure. (No big deal.) I will treasure the memories we made today forever. It’s a good thing to be one with nature every now and then. Get out there before it gets too hot, y’all!

Enjoy the photo dump. More posts coming soon. Rave on, Sarah

Hey Y’all Postcard — I recently sent these to 5 different bloggers all around the world.

 I Adore You – Shelton gave me this card for Valentine’s Day. I loved the die cut heart. #littlethings

 YOLO — A gift from Cathy at re:MARK (I love it too much to give away)!

Steel Petal Press — If you love letterpress and paper that feels great, visit this shop immediately.

Mad Men — I got this card for Shelton’s birthday (along with other MM themed things). Big hit!

I think Etsy has a leg up on the competition for a few reasons. The shops are smaller and normally only ran by one person. This means that the design process is infinitely shorter than if there was a whole chain of people who had to approve artwork and messaging. When you think about it, bigger card companies have to limit what they put out design-wise because no doubt it takes a while for a designer’s idea to make it to your local Hallmark store. Also – even though there are very funny cards out there, there are just some topics that American Greetings isn’t going to reference. Like this card from StrangerDays that’s meant to go to your favorite ex-boyfriend. Or any use of the F word. Or this.

For Moms who rock. I also purchased this birthday card from Steel Petal Press last month.

If you’re like me and appreciate things that feel real (I mean, come on, who doesn’t?), then you need to stop buying cards from The Man and start supporting handmade goods. 

Yup. I said it.

Plan a little more ahead. Don’t buy a card at the last minute. When thinking of your gift-giving budget ($20? $50?) factor in a little less for the gift itself and a little more for the card. Find something specific. It doesn’t take long to think of an inside joke, or their favorite show, and then find a well-designed card from an Etsy seller who has hit your figurative nail on the head.

Just try it.

Rave on,

Sarah

Me, age 16. I look like such a baby.

I wonder where all Shelton and I will go, and all the adventures I’ll be able to reminisce about in the years to come.

I hope to go back to Paris, hopefully in the springtime.

I want to eat my way through Italy.

And have drinks on the balcony of a whitewashed hotel in Santorini.

I’d like to get my Fraulein Maria on in Austria and go on a Sound of Music tour.

Or get lost on a secluded island somewhere and feel just like a local.

Where do you want to go? What do you want to do?

I hope you get to go everywhere on your list and have so many adventures that you can keep people entertained with stories of your travels for years to come.

Rave on,

Sarah

You’ll see.

It all started off innocent enough. Prelim pics of the disaster that was about to strike.

Now — one thing that did turn out right? The feather foam stamps. Hopefully they’ll get used again.

And… yeah. Then this happened. I started by just printing the stamps haphazardly on the cover, but the acrylic paint + leather material + foam stamps just didn’t mesh well together. The stamps (with the acrylic paint) would work much better on paper or fabric — not leather. I got pissed (surprise) and just painted over everything to try a patterned look. Also failed.

Oh well. The phrase “can’t win ‘em all” also applies to crafting.

See more awesome-ly horrible Pinterest Fails here.

Have you ever started a project with good intentions and then watched as it quickly fell apart?

(If your answer is no, then I don’t believe you. Second thought: what are Martha Stewart’s failed projects?)

Rave on,

Sarah

When it comes to cooking breakfast, I do manage, but Shelton is most definitely the master of our breakfast domain (read: kitchen) and on a weekend morning it’s not unusual for me to wake up to things like Scratch Biscuits, American French Toast, Banana Stuffed French Toast, perfect pancakes that look like this (drool) or his very famous breakfast tacos. I’m a lucky girl, no doubts.

Since I am adjusting to my new 9-to-5 (what a way to make a livin’) it’s important to have fast breakfast options beyond the mundane. In The Pioneer Woman’s last cookbook she featured a recipe for Make-Ahead Muffin Melts and they just sounded so delicious and easy, I had to make them. I adjusted much of the recipe to be healthier, but the result was still very satisfying. Who’s master of the breakfast domain now?

Make-Ahead Muffin Melt Redux

You’ll need:

• 6 slices turkey bacon
• 6 hard boiled eggs, yolks removed
• 1 c. shredded cheese (I think I used colby-jack?)
• 1/2 tbsp. honey dijon mustard (I might leave this out next time)
• 1/4 tsp. garlic powder
• 1/2 c. light mayo
• 3 dashes Wochestershire sauce
• a few dashes Cholula (because it’s a gift from Mexico heaven)

Basically, once the bacon has been fried and the egg are hard boiled, you chop everything up and mix it all together. Let the bacon/eggs cool first, of course. This was my first time making hard boiled eggs and they turned out great – I felt like a badass. Keep the mixture in a sealed container and then spread on wheat toast or English muffins. Broil until everything looks warm and bubbly. Then eat!

Do you have a favorite easy breakfast?

Rave on,

Sarah